How much noise can we make up here? Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. We were a tough group. I was very nervous, she said. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. What is a Soldiers least favorite month? I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. It was sheer brilliance. How tough? The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . Shotgun: Comparison for a First-Time Gun Buyer, What Are The Basic Parts Of Ammunition? You the eighth, the old Marine answered. P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. 1. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. . Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? Semper Pie On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. Flight Announcements 4. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. This site contains affiliate links. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? Thats my wifes breast pump.. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. When Is Military Appreciation Month? Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? Heres what they came up with: We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. Read more. But I am public affairs, I said. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. 46. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. [Answered]. Me: Still the wrong number. Why Do We Celebrate It? I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. Pizza de Resistance We were a tough group. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. Learn from the mistakes of others. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. Its a NO FLY zone! March forth! He thought he would be home about 13:30. I set out a roach bombthey defused it. Officer: Soldier. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. So I quit ordering it.. 65. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. 49. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Theyre U.S. AF! 35. Aircraft Engineers 1. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. He nodded. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? Two thousand dollars a week, he replied. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. DeFrigNo! A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. Why were the Marines invented? On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Did it work? She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. Stay out of clouds. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. It helps to keep the pilot cool. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". A soldier and a marine were walking through the woods one day when they came upon a bear. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Whats an LMD? I asked. 38. They want their patients to see 20:20! Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Takeoffs are optional. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. Fish Food. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. But something struck me as odd. 54. 1. Two sailors were discussing which assignments theyd like to get. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race .