I wish all of the posters, that god gives you the strength to be happy, smile, to know that your not really alone. Wondering if others of you who are still grieving the loss of someone you loved very much, have been attacked like this, by so called friends, or family. i should have died not him he was extremely known birdwatcher with so much energy went all over the world I let him go I said be happy do what you want to be happy had more energy than I did walked dogs twice a daytil he died all organs died thar weekend toxic shock pneumonia was in all organs toxic shock syndrome pneumonia was throughout all his body got cancer from 1996 toxic water from crestwood ill water by mayor to make money let water combine with waste from the dry cleaners there had cancer 17 years of cancer. That I went into flight mode and tried to protect myself from anymore pain, from the hurt. I look around my town and I see so many changes and I hate it because everything reminds me of Mum every shop that closes down that Mum used to visit leaves me heaving. The reason I say this is that he was 80 years old had a good life and I am not on my own as I have a wonderful husband and yet the tears still flow. But even after years, every day I'm carrying the pain . Mom was it. Im on year four already and dealing with grieve again. Its been 2years and 2 months and some days it feels like yesterday all over again. I have recently started a new job and have found that at my age, it is so much more of a challenge than it was just 10 years ago. I am in agreement with so many of you, my husband, soulmate, lover, best friend of 36 years went into his deep sleep on 04 January 2017. Its true, I feel relief reading similar experiences. Year 3 I thought it has to get easier, and in many ways it has. I buried Milo with his mammy (a little memorial box that lay at my wife hands) went together on their journey. I do believe in the resurrection and have faith that we will meet again. Im basically still just going through the motions, something in my soul cracked this year when i lost them. They had a great loss as well My son was larger than life and is missed by everyone who ever crossed paths with him. Any suggestions will be appreciated. It makes absolutely no sense now. Ill NEVER see him again. My story is like yours, the most sudden pulmonary embolism of the love of my life. I miss him so much. This year he would have retired. It was a privilege to have caught a cracking beautiful ladys eye. Even though it has been a long time, it's still hard to believe that she's gone!. Dont worry, I would not hurt my son or my kitties by hurting myself. I am lost and have no confidence anymore. I often feel isolated and on the edge of all thats real. The first year was so very painful that I couldnt even bare having the dog around that he loved so much, that I gave him away. I feel exactly the way you do. I rushed his funeral as I didnt want it going into the next year. And then there are days where I can't believe that it has been this long. Most of the time things are ok but every now and then Ill have a day thats just a throwback to the original date. Things are familiar, but not clear, not altogether solid. He was 53 years old, and in excellent physical condition prior to his diagnosis. None of this will bring her back. He told me, thats how you cope with grief, you need to talk about it over & over until finally you stop. I sat today looking through the plethora of pictures of her and I'm just so happy I had what little time I did with her. We have good days and bad days but the longing is always there. The pain is immense, there is no recipe or road map for this and most of no quick fix. The first year was missing my wife and being sad for my daughters. It presents itself in a million little ways throughout the day and night. They say time is a great healer but somehow it does not seem to be. But I have many things I need to do first before then. John R. Lewis, congressman and civil rights icon, 80. I miss his smile, laughter, companionship,voice, etc. Two and a half years since my heart left. I returned to those dark days and the grief now is unbearable l need her to comfort me its l like l finally realised that she is gone. Im so sorry. We had selected and paid for our weding bands. She passed suddenly from a heart attack. Its 2 and a half years now but I still feel I cant live a normal life . I lost my husband 12/16/2016. I had always been an optimistic, happy person. I dont know at the moment what the day will provide. One user wrote the following heartfelt plea online: My friend just died. Either we can learn from these . In my dreams, we are hanging out, talking, laughing, and we always acknowledge the fact that she has passed away. It is not a accounted for grief. i think as time passes you really realise who that person was in your life how much they meant to you and how noone else can measure up. He was 45, and had suffered no symptoms until is was far too late. Its hard but we humans keep going. Your loss date was quite close to mine. But that sadness seems like my last connection, and I dont want to lose that. My best friend, and my doctor, said I should be over her death by now. I could see the tree that was snapped in half. 1st 6 months was a blur whilst I navigated other peoples concern and my childs own grief. For many, the real work of grief begins in the second or third year after a loss. When he died the entire family was crushed especially our Mama. Im very depressed and have terrible anxiety which makes my grieving even worse, Ive read through everyones posts and i can see i am not alone but in my world I am. Its been a year 18 months since I lost my son and it feels as though the pain has grown. I feel that while I will always miss my best friend and suffer great loss and sadness over her death, this home is a tomb of artifacts for me. We lived for each other and daily decisions are made with what he would have done. These things help ME and every one is different but I would go completely mad if I didnt keep busy. All the years of Surgery,radiation and Chemo. In the months that followed my mom's death, I got my dream job writing about celebrity and pop culture at VH1, my boyfriend became my fianc, and I smiled through bridal showers and bachelorette parties for dear . I know exactly what you mean. I am just miserable, with no future in sight. Most days are normal; Im dating a wonderful man who also understands grief, because he lost his twin to murder 10 yrs ago, and Ive seen it hit him hard on his brothers wedding anniversary. Death can be attractivethe end of the torment of loss, but I implore you to think of what you may still offer others and perhaps even find peace and joy in while living. I like many of you put on the false gleeful faade, but I am screaming inside. Wants me to be happy to live my life and get on with it. Somewhere down the line, and its different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. The first 2 years every single memory of every single moment of happiness we had were the worst part. I am shattered, dont want to live without him, and every morning I still wake up after a night of praying and pleading to The Creator, to please let me go Home to join my beloved soulmate. Which was lovely and took the pressure of me. My loss is just as great as it was the day he passed. When I was 14/15 I met my bf we were friends good friends. Blurry. The finality of it all. I knew that I wouldnt have been able to save them. My younger brother spent his birthday on our sisters funeral. Intense emotional pain and sorrow, sometimes with anger and bitterness. There were many ups and downs with surgeries and chemo, but she lived for everyday with our children. Who had before been in and out of hospitals. God the pain is excruciating , even to bring my mind back, which I dont do, I feel like I am looking in a glass window at myself, doing all the things I have to do and only those things. I feel ache all over my body. Express your emotions and honor your loved one's memory through art. Ive lost countless close family, but the loss of my husband (best friend, greatest champion, confidante, teacher, counselor in life, one in a million love), is simply unbearable. To those who are grieving too, Im sorry for your loss. Strong for me I think. If ever there was a time when we need to be setting realistic expectations for ourselves, then certainly our time of grieving is one of them. Jackie, you put into words all i have been unable to say. I didnt aadd anything vital to this topic but I came across it and just thought to vent a little. But learning how to refocus away from the loss and on to small or meaningful distractions will create pockets of respite. I lost my husband of 50 years 2amd a half years ago , he had lung cancer and died quite traumatically at home , we have grown up children who all have been grieving , I still have all his clothes and everything that I cant seem to sort out , since he died I have found my fear of flying and being in the house alone at night has vanished, I wonder if this is part of grieving ? The second wedding anniversary without a spouse. My throat hurt so bad, I could hardly talk. . In fact, a week after diagnosis (and at that time we didnt know the prognosis) the tumour haemorrhaged and 2 weeks after diagnosis, he died. Something that helped me was meeting others and making new traditions. I lost my 2 boys 2 years ago mike 37 april 20,2016 and chris september 20,2016 this year seeme like the shock and realization is comig back, My heart aches. My heart is breaking. The years we've shared have been full of joy. One step at a time, small victories of peace- that is we will make it and live. Im living for him as well. What am I suppose to do now? Havent worked since. I cry everyday for my friend .. we were kindred spirits .. theres a song called One more day by Diamond Rio .. pretty much sums up how Im feeling .. good luck to you x. Lorettajust. We experience the acute phase of grief, or the moment right after passing. I have trips planned, do volunteer work, try to be active in my church, but I realize the hole in my heart will never heal. I felt silly doing it, but she probably had a point. Our marriage wasnt perfect but we worked through all our problems and we loved each other more now then when we first said I do. I cannot go grocery shopping or I cry when I see his food. I made it through. Reading others comments soothes me some and I thank you all. But I think this is probably normal, and its certainly normal for me. Im only 2 months in after the loss of my husband. When I say I miss my husband; the words I miss him, mean so much more than what those 3 words are portraying. But I loved you, and always will. The last time I rubbed his arm and told him mom and I are here. Ill say my farewell now to you all . If anyone can help me with this . For now, thats all were able to do. So I was been very very careful about how I was feeling questioning everything . I could come to him with anything, and he was always there for me. However, Ive lost my father, mother, cousin whom in my heart was my brother. He was my hero,Everything reminds me of him, Memories of our 8 year 28 day travel schedule, I was his caregiver, I been so hard to believe.. my superman is no longer here to talk to run ideas by, dinner movies, what our favorite shows like shark Tank, Love dtorties with, Exercise with,fuss with,getaways,dance with, hugs.. alll the above. He has been gone a little over a year and I still think (and cry) about him roughly 3 times a week. That said; allow others in. Hiya Holly. Part of my life. His cancer was a rare and aggressive form and he was gone within 6 months of his diagnosis. He passed unexpectedly while on our first trip since retiring. I guess we are never really prepared for the death of a loved one. We were married for 45 years and I buried her ashes on our anniversary 23 Sept 2017. & loving companion passed 18 months ago. One day it will be my turn. Whats a person to do with that, and where to go from here? Just stay out of my life Im going to do what I want to do I am in love I am happy he loves me just leave me alone and let me have a life. I was married for 54 years and the care taker for my Mike. Honor wherever you are right in this moment and know that even if it feels uncomfortable, unsettling and uneasy, that its probably exactly where you need to be. that is life. He was sick for over ten years and he was the one who kept my spirits going. Hi. My husband passed away a year ago unexpectedly. married for nearly 35 years and even though I have a Do not look for it, you already have it. Sometimes I think Im to young to be dealing with all this pain but the love I had for him only means my pain is real. i want them to be living their lives- its how it should be. My other children are adults but they thought they lost their mom along with their brother because I was not there emotionally. We had planned to do so much during his retirement which never materialised. But, by the end of the year, I felt like I survived. Although we got to say our good byes. I too have a friend that Ive known for over 40 years. I cry more and I need to shift from my lovely house. This effect makes it look like your fingernails, toenails and hair grew longer since you passed away. I was 18 when we got together. My grandma died on November 1st, and my oldest sister died somewhat unexpectedly on December 22nd. I wish everyday i was dead .I remember years ago my father in law saying that after my mother died.he was lucky he got hi wish 11 months later. That was the dilemma facing Americans who received $1,200 stimulus payments in 2020 by paper check or direct deposit, in the names of deceased spouses and other family members. That is the way to go- not go on day after day in torture and remorse suffering a lonely death of your own soul. God has healed me quite a bitI have never felt closer to my King, but there are times when I just miss her so much that the fog comes over me again. I have had to make tough decisions on what I can handle. I cry all the time, my co-workers dont even ask anymore because they know. We loved each other so much, and we finally found each other after earlier years of misery from other relationships. His sister, my Mum died when I was 13 & lived in Ireland (he lived in the UK), our life turned inside out, no real help, Father ignored us, out looking for another & drinking heavily. We also experience anticipatory grief, or the feelings of grief while our pet is still living, but we are aware of an . Losing a Brother I hear very little about. I know she feels depressed. I keep praying to be taken God, Its ok, I will not be mad, I will be happy that I can finally not be so very unhappy. Now year two is truly confusing. It's been 9 months since my sweet Louisa passed away. The holidays are going to be a struggle this year I am finding out. I need one that tells me when we will be together again. Your story is so touching. I am English but have a wonderful friend in Alabama also a widow . I was numb the first year, but now Its really hard. When Keanu died, I disintegrated physically and mentally. I have to keep tip toeing forward. I lost my soulmate 23 months ago and am surprised at the intensity of my sorrow. He appears whenever I need him and this brings comfort. They are always with me. He also missed eating her sticky rice because according . Im at 15 months 8 days and Ive become a day counter, as if theres some magic milestone I need to reach. Jean was born on September 9, 1940 in Wabasha County to Arthur and Rachel (Kruger . If there is a God please let me die. I just so miss him by my side and our endless hours of talks. There is a heaviness that is constantly on my chest. I miss him so much. Singer David Bowie, one of the most influential musicians of his era, has died of cancer at the age of 69. I do have support from family and friends but still feel so all alone. It never sets you up for well we knew it was going to happen. Its as if Im forced to relieve him not ever coming back all the time exhausting, painful and heart wretching. I will be praying for both of us. I have no passion for anything and I feel an immense guilt that wont go away. I fully intend to carry this out sometime within 18-24 months. Do not see life as getting in the way of your love for your husband, Im sure he wouldnt want that either. That magic one year mark does not cure your hurt. I miss him so much and loved him so dearly. I am just that a misfit. You are being really honest about your loss. I saw your post. I have a son who is 13 from a previous marriage, and he is the only reason I stick around. A week later he was so weak he was hospitalized then sent to hospice and then he was gone. I miss him everyday and yes I am like the rest of everyone above the second year does seem worse. What really helps is to volunteer helping others and stay busy. In July 2016, we decided to move to Wichita so he could closer to his family. I do not know what long enough means. A white feather flew into my hand out oof the blue. And i can relate with you. i wish all of you well, and know i ache for you and your losses. i find it hard to function, to get back to church, to get back to anything. We had bought a house, were remodeling it, and then going to sell the house and move out to the country. I bring a chair to sit and just stare at the ground. Lost my wife of 35 years on 01/16/17 from early onset dementia. Theyre trying to get there as fast as they can. I dont know. I dream of him every night and wake up and think he is with me. Hes doing it for a reason to help us. The day before my birthday. We lived together 47 years and were married for 43. But expectations are a big part of our mindset, even when were not in the stages of grief. In that, certain things will trigger moments of grief that did not occur in year one. Time and Date Duration - Calculate duration, with both date and time included. Hello Robert. We lost our 16yo child to suicide four months ago. Im not sure if I feel better or worse, reading these stories! Im numb with grief I cant get to church or the cemetery Im constantly in tears and my anxiety is through the roof. Now, the black pebbles outweigh the pearls, but there are shining days and I pray and am sure for you, and for me, the beautiful pearls will return, one by one. I lost my only child june3rd 2017 she was 22 from heroin I found her I do not want to live she was my only reason for living she was my life. I keep telling myself it will get easier but I just cant see easier insight. death of their loved ones so unbearable. I lost mom 14 months ago. I wish someone would share some hope.. something to inspire me to keep going. First, there is great resource here and elsewhere on the internet and in communities. It is now year two and in some ways hurt worse than the first when I was in shock. After being married 53 years I just have no idea what to do without him. I am afraid that if I dont learn to balance my grief with finding happiness I will jeopardize a future together. I lost my Dad in February of 2016. I miss you. Hope you are looking after yourselves in these uncertain times. We never thought this type of loss could happen to us. I will be 67 later this year. In February of last year, my Father passed away from pancreatic cancer. But going into this second year without him, I can only hope he is at peace, and I will have done something to continue and value him that will go beyond me when its time for me to go. Im disabled so i walk with a caneand in constant pain from that. He was my rock. I sit here now 23 months later with tears flowing endlessly. i struggle to find the meaning in life and wonder what the point is in trying to care about anything I feel as if nothing i do is ever going to matter to anyone and that nothing will ever be the ok again. The last year and a half was the hardest as she began to lose the fight. Its been a year. A week later I told them to let her go, and they removed life support. We been together for 46 years. Oh precious fellow travellers. then finally she got the all clear and told she was a survivor. I am still hoping beyond hope and beyond reality, that Jill will magically be real again, here, in the whole, in my arms, and next to me in bed at night and in the morning. I never imagined I would grieve so hard. He was so above pettiness and saw things though a better side of life. They tell me they are mourning too but are moving forward. Its hard for me to keep a job or any type of relationship. I keep thinking why! I just miss him so much. Even though they told me that he was going to die I didnt believe it for a minute. I can say, there is hope and it is centered around one step at a time. Date Calculators. together. Your Grief is Terrifying to Those Around You, How to Get a Better Nights Sleep when Grieving, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rnyqe1XiP0, The second year of grief | How my heart speaks, https://thepetlosscenter.com/our-locations/hampton.